Ok, it's alright with me...

Going home is some of the most fun I have. 

I love seeing my friends. 

I love being with my family. 

I love my boyfriend. 

But it makes me miss it more. 

I’m so grateful for everyone. 

And I can’t wait til SUMMER! 

Tonight was super fun! 

Wine tasting at hyvee with some of the best people i know :) 

A much needed break from all that school work! 

I realllly love my job. a LOT. 

But I reallllllllllllly miss my friends. Even though I definitely have a strong base out in D-Port, even with some of the best friends I have, I feel like I should be closer to home sometimes. 

I never thought I’d admit to this—but I searched job openings online to see if anything was available out here. Turns out there’s 50 job openings with the word “math” in them in Illinois. I didn’t apply. But I really really thought about it. 

Its just going to be hard for me next year if the only person who stays out there is my roommate….espescially since most of my other friends (as far as I know) are considering options outside of the area. 

oh life. I guess I’ll just stay happy that I have a job and get the chance to see my lovely ladies as often as I do. 

I’m just not ready to be asking for kitchen appliances and stuff like that. And looking excited to receive them like so many people who are getting ready for “that phase”. I think I have a lot of time to be excited about that kind of stuff. Right now just isn’t the time for me. 

I consider myself a happy person. I’ve always looked at myself this way. 

Have I gone through some shit? Well, yea. Plenty of it. 

Breakups, loss, confusion, family troubles—I’ve been there done that. 

But through it all, I’ve always thought that I was a happy person. I was content with my life, thrilled about my job, happy with my group of friends, and overall in good spirits. Do we have our days, weeks, (months?) well yeah. 

One thing I’ve noticed is that I tend to attract people who are also, well, happy. 

Most of my friends are “half-full” type of people (and ironically most of them cubs fans…hmmmm….) so we are generally smiling, fun people to be around. 

But recently, I’ve been happier than I ever thought I could be. And, although it’s a little bit difficult to admit, it’s because of a boy. He came into my life about two months ago—and ever since he’s been on my mind, trying with everything he’s got to be there for me and to make me happy—and I’m trying to do the same. (and it’s working :) ) 

I know that this type of happy is evident in my voice—because in talking to both my best friend and mother on the phone, their comments generally sound something along the lines of, “You sound happy—you must’ve had a great weekend” or, “I can hear you smiling!” 

I just go on living my life in the same, generally happy, upbeat manner that I am used to. (maybe with just a little bit more spring in my step).

So…thank you! Thank you to all of the people in my life who have brought me so much happiness, joy, and contentment throughout my first 22 years. I love you all :) 

Last weekend I met up with some of the best people I know in my life. 

They’re literally the world to me. 

All of them. 

The girls. the boy. the whole thing. It was so nice to remember how much fun it is to be with them all :) 

I just miss each and every one of the girls so much and I love all of them so much. Making a scene everywhere we go, then staying up late and waking up at noon just to eat a TON of sugar cookies with our coffee just to hang out and talk for another four hours :) It was so hard to leave. 

Then there’s the boy…oh man. We haven’t told each other that we love each other yet. But I feel almost as though the exchange of words on the weekend were more meaningful than those three words. “i love you”: a little bit over-rated if you just say those three words. It’s all of the things that show how much we care about each other that mean so much more. That will give those words meaning when we are ready to exchange them to each other. It’s a good thing we’ve got going. :) 

Then I came back and I had to re-adjust again to living with someone who’s not quite in the ‘SEXFECTA’—and I just remembered: I’m lucky to have a great roommate and great friends out here…but nights like last weekend—both with the girls and the boy—are where it’s at :) 

This Sunday I finally found the courage to go to a new church. 

This was a HUGE step for me. 

Not only did it mean that I’m growing up but it means that I’m officially starting my life out here in the QCA as an adult and not an Augie student. It means this whole being an adult thing is real. 

I went all by myself. 

But when I was there an amazing thing happened. I didn’t feel alone at all. 

The church was exactly what I’m looking for. I actually knew people there: professors from Augie, old Augie friends, and (best of all!) one of my favorite profs from Augie is now a pastor there! I was shocked to see his goofy smile up at the altar. 

But most of all, everything just seemed to fit into place. 

Here I was….in this place with all of these people and I felt 100% at peace. 

For the first time in a really really really long time I felt at peace with my relationships. All of them. Family, friends, boyfriend…and with God.

It felt like the missing piece in my life as a QC adult finally coming together. 

I was elated that I found another source of peace and happiness out here where I’m disconnected from so many people and life just seems to get in the way. 

Finally, I’m at home. Completely. And it’s a wonderful thing. :) 

ugh. i told myself I’d never be this girl. and now I am. crying because I really really miss a boy. ugh. I miss him. i just need to grow up and stop this! 

Am I really this happy? 

I think I might actually just be. 

I could get used to this.